Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
