Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
