i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My life is pants optional.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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