We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
