Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
