it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
