I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize