Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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