if you like me you must not know who I am
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
