Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
