dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
