I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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