Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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