3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize