Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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