i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
