so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
