I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
