Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
