so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize