I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
should my penis look like a turkey
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
