Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
