lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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