so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
