Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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