Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
