Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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