Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
