I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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