I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize