So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
