We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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