Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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