i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
