I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
