if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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