if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
