I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
