Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
