when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
