I heard we made out
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
