I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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