My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
