Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
