Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
