I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize