two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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