That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
