the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
