Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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