Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
