nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
