y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
