She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
