It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
