mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
