its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
