we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize