Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
