I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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