i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
