Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
