If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
