i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
