Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Pooping to opera.
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