It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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