craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i dont even know how to be here
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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