Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
